Selfish
by Denite
Summary: [Tezuka x Fuji x Atobe ] Here is the companion fiction that I promise for “Alone” in Atobe's point of view.


Pairings: Tezuka x Fuji, Atobe x Fuji

Author: Denite

Disclaimer: Prince of Tennis does not belong to me.

A.N. Here is the companion fiction that I promise for "Alone" and also it is my attempt at a happy ending for the lovely couple. LoL I guess it is proof that I do believe in happy ending whatever that means is up to you. Please R & R.

Genre: Angst/Romance

Beta by Daisy

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**Selfish**

The last six hundred and sixty-six days have been hell for me. I know people would have died of laughers if they know that the great Ore-sama was ridden with guilt for being so dame selfish. I was taught that money can buy anything that I wanted before I could even walk. Therefore, with all my money I should be able to have anything that my heart desire, anything and anyone.

But I was wrong and before I realized it, my guilt have slowly transform into self pity for my poor contaminated soul. At first I thought I could live without you but again I was wrong. It seems that I was making mistakes left and right. I wish I could have left you alone in peace but I couldn't.

I couldn't resist myself and decided to find you again. I never thought it would take me this long to find you with all my resources but once again I have underestimated you and your determination. It was one of the many things that I love and hate about you. Regardless of everything that had happened you will always continue to fascinate, challenge and allure me to no end.

I know that once you have made up your mind there is absolutely nothing that anyone can do to change your mind. But inside me there had always been a small glimpse of hope that was hanging on by a thin thread. A thread so thin that it could be broken at any given second but I continue to guard that thread like my life depend on it. I continue to cherish that last thread of hope like it was going to be my last breath because of you.

Fuji Shusuke

You have always been an addiction that plagues my dream.

You have always been the drug that I have become hook on after one taste.

I admit I was selfish. I was brought up to be selfish and I was used to having my ways. But it was never easy with you; nothing had been easy with you. Everything about you screams complication and yet I couldn't stop myself. I couldn't stop myself even if I want to. I was obsessed with you and nothing was going to stop me not even the great Tezuka Kunimitsu.

Is it wrong of me to feel jealously toward a dead man?

Is it wrong of me to feel envy and maybe resentment toward a dead man?

After all, how can I compete with a dead man? How can I compete with someone who will forever be in your heart?

Even after all this time, I am still and probably will always feel resentment toward Tezuka because he will always be your first. He was your first love and he was the first person that made your eyes came alive and for that I will always feel envy toward him. I want to pretend that it doesn't matter but knowing that you loved him was slowly killing me. Nonetheless, I couldn't help myself. I couldn't help myself but get in between you two. I couldn't help but become the third wheel in your perfect relationship.

I didn't care what anyone thinks of me as long as you acknowledge my existence. I didn't care if I was wrecking a perfect relationship because at that time I was willing to do anything if it means having you in my life. Yuushi had warned me that I should have walk away and that coming in between you and Tezuka would only bring sorrow to all three of us.

Did I listen to Yuushi's sound advice?

No, because I was too busy being selfish.

No, because I was too busy thinking about the possibility of being the one who would capture your love.

Yes, I was a selfish bastard and I will always be when it comes to you, Fuji Shusuke.

But the day you vanished was the day that I started hating myself. Your life would have been perfect if it wasn't for me. As much as it kills me to admit it, you and Tezuka was the perfect couple.

Perfect

God, how I loath that word.

It is ironic that I, the great Atobe Keigo would loath the one word that had been the foundation of my life. I was perfection but I hate that word at the same time.

I never want a perfect life.

I never want a perfect future.

If I could I would trade all this wealth and status for a deeply flawed life if it means having you in my arm again. I didn't look for you right away because I felt guilty after Tezuka died.

I felt guilty because right before Tezuka got into the accident I had wished that he died. I had wished that Tezuka never existed because then you would have been mine. The guilt only increased when I saw you crying so heart broken over him.

In the end I realized that my desire for you has won over my guilt and so I seek you out. I look for you like you were the air that I need and seeing you again have left me speechless. Seeing you in your most natural environment have left me breathless.

In a plain white shirt

Holding a paint brush

Unaware of everyone around you

You took my breath away.

"_Shusuke …"_

I didn't realize I was holding my breath till you turned around and asked, _"Do you still love me?"_

At that moment, the thread of hope that I have been guarding for all this time have finally snap. The hope that I was holding on doesn't seem important anymore because right there and then I know.

I know that I didn't need to question anymore.

I know that I didn't need to feel jealous anymore.

I know that I was whole again.

My hands found your face.

My lips found yours and suddenly my heart doesn't feel so cold anymore.

Suddenly I don't feel so alone anymore.

Suddenly I don't mind being selfish anymore.

Because you were in my arm

Because you were kissing me

Because you were smiling for me at last

Nothing matters anymore because of you.

My sweet addiction

Fin


End file.
